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America, the world’s shining beacon of democracy for 243 years, faces its greatest existential threat Tuesday as fast food chain Popeyes announced it will exhaust its supply of fried chicken sandwiches by week’s end.
In the last week, a pandemic of Popeyes chicken sandwich mania struck inside our nation’s borders, hobbling our communication systems and halting productivity, as desperate sandwich seekers were all but shut out in their search for crispy, mayo-slicked gold.
But on Tuesday afternoon at 5:05 p.m. Eastern, calamity befell our country. Journalist Darren Rovell tweeted out a statement from Popeyes announcing the company had gone through its estimated seven-week supply of chicken sandwiches in two weeks. Popeyes said the company is expected to sell out of its sandwich inventory by the end of this week.
As of publication, the White House has not yet issued a statement.