https://www.theonion.com/mcdonald-s-appealing-to-health-conscious-consumers-with-1838181744
CHICAGO—In an attempt to win back increasingly health-conscious consumers, fast-food giant McDonald’s launched its new “You Can’t Run From Us Forever” ad campaign Tuesday, a media blitz intended to remind potential customers of the futility of avoiding the ubiquitous restaurant. “Despite the trend toward calorie counting, green eating, and plant-based diets, we at McDonald’s will track you down—and we will feed you,” said Terri Hickey, McDonald’s senior manager of global corporate communications, adding that those who think they aren’t susceptible to the restaurant’s offerings “are no different, and certainly no better than the billions and billions we’ve served.” “You’re on your high horse now, but you know that won’t last forever. You’ll be on a road trip, or maybe in an airport, or maybe just walking down the very street where you live, and boom! Suddenly, a Double Quarter Pounder will simply appear in your mouth. And you’ll find yourself loving it.” Nutritionists note there are, on average, three full-service McDonald’s franchises standing between a given consumer and any healthier meal alternatives, ready to exploit even the slightest hint of weakness.