Hillary Clinton says she may decide to run for a second term as President of her Imagination. “I beat Trump once, I can beat him again,” said Mrs. Clinton, before falling off her barstool, rolling under a table, banging her head on a chair leg, and lapsing into a period of unconsciousness during which she dreamed that she really was president and all the people loved her so very, very much.
Mrs. Clinton made the remarks after Donald Trump sent out a tweet reminding his followers of Clinton’s history of corruption going back forty years.
“Those are all old, old stories,” Mrs. Clinton told a lamp-post while trying to figure out how to put on her coat. “The feds have been trying to nail me for years and the lousy screws have never put a finger on me, see, so eat lead, John Law, yeah, that’s right, that’s what I said, to hell with you G-men, if you think I’m gonna die in some hellhole of a prison, think again, coppers.”
Mrs. Clinton then climbed to the top of a gas storage facility waving a tommy gun and shouting “Top o’ the world, Ma!” before the facility exploded in a blinding ball of flame.
When Mrs. Clinton recovered consciousness, she issued a statement to what was either a bevy of reporters hanging on her every word, or a collection of Cabbage Patch Kids arranged on chairs to look like reporters, saying, “Ever since I beat Donald Trump in the last election, I’ve done such a great job as president, it’s a shame my administration was invisible to the American public because of the veil of illusion cast by an evil wizard who lives at the bottom of a bottle of Chardonnay. But one day, so help me, I’ll find that bottle and this nightmare will come to an end.”
Elizabeth Warren said she was eager for Hillary to join the race, so she’d no longer be the biggest liar running.