SMALL UNCULTURED ISLAND IN THE ATLANTIC—A previously unexplored small island of uncultured savages in the Atlantic has rejected American missionaries’ attempts to introduce them to good food.
Missionaries attempted to build a Chick-fil-A in the unfriendly wildlands of the island, but the savages protested and chased them off with pointy objects, which were then confiscated by what seemed to be a sort of primitive police force.
“We attempted to make contact with the locals, putting out Chick-fil-A sandwiches on the ground and gesturing toward them, saying, ‘You eat good food,'” said one missionary. “Sadly, they just threw bricks at us and called us hateful.” The natives then went back to eating a pie with fish heads sticking out of it, a barbaric dish they somehow think of as food.
The uncivilized brutes have not experienced cultured food before and as such eat things like mince pies, jellied eels, and black pudding. Their best dish, fish and chips, is just fish and fries, but the poor savages don’t know that these “chips” are actually called fries. Chick-fil-A missionaries attempted to communicate with them, pointing at the waffle fries and saying, “FRIIIIES” slowly. But the natives simply looked on in confusion and said, “No, mate, those are chips,” which roughly translates to, “I am an uncultured swine.”
The savages also sadly cannot spell, adding “u” to a bunch of words.
Chick-fil-A aid workers said that though they were chased off, they are still praying for the conversion of the natives and say it is their pleasure to spread the gospel of normal human food to unreached peoples no matter the personal cost.