It seems Islamic law is over 50 years behind western laws.
Have you stopped beating your wife?
Does rough sex count?
What about when one or the other is drunk and unable to consent?
Should you talk before sex?
By 1993 marital rape was a crime in all 50 states
Marital rape in United States law, also known as spousal rape, is non-consensual sex in which the perpetrator is the victim’s spouse. It is a form of partner rape, of domestic violence, and of sexual abuse. Today, marital rape is illegal in all 50 US states, though the details of the offence vary by state.
The traditional definition of rape in the United States is the forced sexual intercourse by a male with a “female not his wife”, making it clear that the statutes did not apply to married couples. The 1962 Model Penal Code repeated the marital rape exemption, stating:
A male who has sexual intercourse with a female not his wife is guilty of rape if: …. Reforms of marital rape laws in the United States began in the mid-1970s with the criminalization of marital rape. The earlier laws of the 1970s often required the husband and wife to no longer be living together for marital rape charges to be brought. The case in the United States that first challenged this cohabitation clause was Oregon v. Rideout in 1978. In the case, the husband was accused of raping his wife, the first man in the United States to be charged with raping his wife while they were still living together. The trial was the first in Oregon relating to marital rape since the state revised its rape law in 1977 to eliminate the marital rape immunity. Although the husband was acquitted of raping his wife, it spurred the movement towards reform. By 1993 marital rape was a crime in all 50 states. Still, in the 1990s, most states continued to differentiate between the way marital rape and non-marital rape was viewed and treated. The laws have continued to change and evolve, with most states reforming their laws in the 21st century. But there are still states, like South Carolina, where marital and non-marital rape are treated quite differently under the law.
The Quran clearly establishes that the relationship between husband and wife should be based on love and affection (2:187, 30:21, and others). Rape is incompatible with this ideal. Some jurists have argued that a standing “consent” to sex is given at the time of marriage, so marital rape is not considered a punishable crime. Other scholars have argued that rape is a nonconsensual and violent act that can happen within a marriage as well. Ultimately, a husband has a duty in Islam to treat his spouse with dignity and respect.