Full Trump Transcript Includes 37 Pages Of Confused President Mashing Fingers Against Dial Pad While Ukrainian President Tries To Speak


WASHINGTON—Shedding light on what exactly transpired between the U.S. president and Ukraine during a mysterious April call, a transcript released Friday includes 37 pages of a confused Donald Trump mashing his fingers against his phone’s dial pad while President Volodymyr Zelensky tries to speak. According to the released call logs, President Trump responded to Zelensky’s appeals for further cooperation between the two countries by hitting nine and then star 30 times in a row while yelling ‘Ukraine!’ into the phone. This was reportedly followed by an eight-minute exchange where the president repeatedly held down the entire keypad in an attempt to hang up the phone. In addition, several pages of the transcript document noted rapid fire dialing as Trump muttered about not knowing how to spell Ukraine with numbers. At press time, legal analysts going over the call were expressing the most interest in the final five minutes, where President Trump attempts to order a meat lovers pizza and cinnamon sticks from Domino’s before launching into a six-minute diatribe about how someone with President Zelensky’s thick accent shouldn’t be working at a pizza place.

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