Thanks to millennials, the phrase “stick it where the sun doesn’t shine” has lost all meaning.
In what will surely solidify the beginnings of the 21st century as one of the strangest eras in all of mankind, we are introduced to “perineum sunning.”
That being to sun ourselves where the sun never shines.
In what the New York Post calls “the hottest trend,” we are told of wellness die-hards tanning their cans — as in their “buttholes.”
An influencer who goes by Ra of Earth declared in an Instagram video: “In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on.”
A post shared by I am Ɍ Δ:Human Teacher/Student (@ra_of_earth) on Oct 6, 2019 at 5:44pm PDT
Watching the video you’d swear it’s a parody, but it appears that they are serious.
It is also the clearest evidence that this is the greatest time ever to be alive, where the world is so devoid of serious problems and other calamities that inhabitants can take pause to ponder the impact of sunshine on the anus and neighboring body parts.
Ra of Earth shared a step-by-step “Sun Worship Exercise” from a book by Dr. Stephen T. Chang, “The Tao of Sexology: The Book of Infinite Wisdom.”
“Sunlight has excellent germicidal qualities, and exposure to the sun will help keep the anal and vaginal areas healthy and free of germs. It is also excellent for the treatment of hemorrhoids,” the guide states.
And they have disciples.
“Butthole sunning!” declared Instagram user Troy Casey. “ seconds of direct sunlight injection to the anal orifice is equivalent to being outside in the sun all day!”
And then there’s the testimonial from a woman who goes by Metaphysical Meagan that makes legal weed advocates look tame.
“My experience with perineum sunning has been profound,” she said in an Instagram post. “I have been practicing this for a few months now … I no longer rely on coffee for energy to start my day because I am getting my energy from the sun. I’m experiencing better sleep and require less sleep due to boost of overall energy.”