MANHATTAN—In a move tailor-made for his target demographic, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden announced Monday he will appear on an upcoming episode of television’s The Ed Sullivan Show.
“I think booking a gig on the ‘ol tube will boost my poll numbers with the youngsters,” Biden told sources. “This Ed fella seems to know what the kids are into. He just had that band with those 4 mop-headed dudes from England- what was their name again?”
Biden then explained how a prior connection with Sullivan helped him land the spot on the popular variety show. “I fought next to ol’ Eddie in World War 2. When I got home from the war, I bought that hotel in Vermont, but we’ve fallen on hard times. Ed suggested I come on the show and invite some of the guys from the old unit to come up for the holidays and enjoy the snow.”
When a reporter pointed out Biden was now referencing the plot of the classic film White Christmas, Biden shot back, saying a poor Christmas was just as bright as a white Christmas.