“I always thought eternal rest meant, well, peace and quiet and maybe some beers by the lake for a couple hundred years,” said former U.S. Army Spc. Paul Linscome. “Instead, I got there and St. Peter had me do a sensitive items inventory of all my gear, by serial number and everything. Then he sent me off to paint rocks on the border of heaven and purgatory.”
“I never expected to find that the first Pope was basically a sergeant major with a hair across his ass.”
Pfc. Linda Wright agreed: “When I showed up, some Principality sent me off to cut the grass around the Beatitudes Pond, because I guess God the Father was complaining that it didn’t look ‘dress right dress.’”
“Blessed are the enlisted,” she was heard to grumble as she rolled the lawnmower off down the gleaming street, “for theirs is the kingdom of getting screwed.”
Complaints were not limited to Army members. Navy Lt. Fred Gonzalez found that he’d already been added to the watch list and that his began in five minutes.
“But that’s for eternity, you realize,” he said, his head in his hands. “My watch begins in five minutes for eternity.”
Can you imagine being on shit details (or hanging out with “Real Christians”) for eternity? That sounds like a bloody nightmare. I wonder if 1SG’s in the Christian heaven make the duty roster there too? Hmmm…