Each Christmas season, corporations once again try their hand to desperately shoehorn products into the story of an egalitarian religious leader who urged his followers to renounce the material world in favor of a glorious, heavenly kingdom to come. Most of these attempts fail, but few have failed so spectacularly as a new TV spot courtesy of the Norwegian government, who earlier this month began running a commercial for their postal service, Posten. Upon learning this, one might easily wonder, “But what do you get from a homogeneously white government tasked with hawking their mail routes to its homogeneously white citizens around the holidays?”
The answer, dear readers, will almost certainly not shock you…
Gather around the fire, folks, and allow us to recount for you the New Posten Bible’s nativity story: A Norwegian mailman rides into a biblical-era town atop a donkey, proudly delivering the day’s messages to all the grateful peasants. (Parchment scrolls instead of envelopes? Cute!) He then arrives at a house of one Joseph of Nazareth, only to be greeted by a beautiful, snow-white Mary, and the two eye-hump the hell out of one another. Fast forward nine months to a manger outside Bethlehem, and we see Mary cradling her very white, blonde, blue-eyed baby Jesus while avoiding eye contact with Joseph, who, well, isn’t any of those things.
So, you know, just a little problematic by 2019’s standards. Look, Norway, we understand you are comprised of roughly 83% white people, but come on. Oh, and if you’re gonna be blasphemous, racially insensitive, and overly proud of your Norwegian heritage, at least put the infant Jesus in corpse paint.