Kushner Promises Israel Plan Will Relocate All Palestinians To Generous Swath Of Mediterranean Sea

WASHINGTON—Claiming that the proposal represented a “realistic two-state solution,” Jared Kushner held a press conference Wednesday to make assurances that the administration’s Israel plan would relocate all Palestinians to a generous swath of the Mediterranean Sea. “We have not forgotten about the Palestinian people, and this roadmap will allow them to live in peace within the briny depths of the Mediterranean,” said Kushner, noting that the miles of open water represented a significant increase in Palestanian territory. “This plan will also allow Palestine to place its capital directly in the Strait of Gibraltar, where it will be separated from Israeli territory by a sea wall. The Palestinians will be given every opportunity to swim and splash around as long as they don’t attempt to impede on Israeli sovereignty by trying to crawl out of the water or wash up on the beach.” Kushner added that as a further concession to the Palestinain people, the plan would include a four-year freeze before Israelis could annex the Mediterranean and drive the Palestinians into the Atlantic Ocean.

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