LEE’S PASS, AL—Church members at Robert E. Lee Baptist Church were shocked and horrified as the church’s customary halftime show Sunday included a repulsive amount of nudity and depravity, including several exposed ankles.
Church members immediately filled out angry comment cards as the traditional church service halftime show included two Christian singers wearing dresses that only went just below the knee.
“You’d think in a church here in God’s chosen country of America, you’d be safe from such displays of immorality,” said longtime church member Edna Jefferstonianberg, 78. “It just goes to show what liberalism is doing to the Baptist tradition — it’s a major downgrade. Maybe even Marxism.”
Shocked parents rushed their kids to the lobby or cry room to prevent them from seeing such reckless debauchery.
The performers were also criticized for singing a song that was backed by a drum set.
Hmmm… what is the Babylon Bee trying to say? This is an obvious reference to the scantily clad Hispanic ladies during the Super Bowl half-time show… or is it? Do Baptists even allow dancing and singing? My 1980’s experience from Footloose tells me that they don’t. Does Jesus state somewhere that dancing and singing is sinful? I can’t keep track of the 10,000 different christian interpretations of the bible. Someone help me out here.