More Evidence Jesus Was A Socialist: New Passages Say He Fed The 5000 By Robbing A Nearby Village

ISRAEL—Many have argued that Jesus is a socialist, and some newly discovered scrolls have added evidence to that claim. The scrolls have new passages giving extra context to Jesus’s feeding of the 5,000, explaining that he did that by sending his apostles to rob a nearby village.

“It really does prove once and for all Jesus’s socialist nature,” said biblical scholar Abe Martin. “We knew Jesus wanted people to provide for the needy, but we had yet to have any evidence of his using violence or the threat of violence to accomplish that.” The new passages describe in detail the way Jesus directed his apostles to seize fish and bread from a village they determined to have more than it needed and to beat anyone who resisted. This food was then redistributed to the hungry 5,000. Further passages tell of another time Jesus needed to feed a multitude and robbed the same village again, but this time the apostles were only able to get enough food to feed 4,000.

“If we can verify these scrolls, this should end the debate on whether Jesus was a socialist,” stated Martin. “Previously, the evidence was a bit thin, such as arguing that Jesus having the divine nature and power of God counted as ‘seizing the means of production.’”

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What do you think? Does this new evidence convince you that Jesus was a socialist? Or maybe just had a good caterer? Or maybe just a COSTCO or Sam’s Club membership in the next town?

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