Approved ~~ MJM
LAS VEGAS, NV—Local pigeon Claude Beaker was proudly wearing his new MAGA hat in downtown Vegas.
“The economy is good, and there’s lots of leftover bread crumbs and stuff for us pigeons,” Beaker told reporters. “Trump has some personal moral failings, but the economy is doing well, and that’s what matters for the fowl members of society.”
But sadly, just a few hours later, Beaker was brutally attacked in broad daylight by the dreaded domestic terrorist group Pigeon Antifa.
Clad in ski masks and bandanas, the pigeons swooped in and threw tiny bricks and adorable little Molotov cocktails at Beaker. They even made a cute little milkshake with cement and threw it all over Beaker. Some of the pigeons had to leave to go back to their pigeon mommies and daddies because it was past their bedtime, but the rest continued the assault for over an hour, jeering at Beaker.
Pigeon police shrugged and said they didn’t want to interfere. “Honestly, we’re just winging it here,” Pigeon Chief of Police Peck Peckems said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, someone just dropped a donut over on Fourth Street, and we need to investigate.”