Roger Stone sentenced to wait several days for presidential pardon

WASHINGTON, DC – After being found guilty of seven counts of lying to Congress, obstruction and witness tampering, Trump adviser Roger Stone has been sentenced to prison for up to several days before he will be pardoned.

“Roger Stone personally threatened the judge who was presiding over his case, lied to the FBI, and tried to prevent a witness from testifying to Congress,” explained political analyst Kristen Horner. “Our justice system demands that he serve just enough time in jail so that we’ll have moved on to another news cycle by the time he gets pardoned.”

In her explanation of the sentence, Judge Amy Berman Jackson stated that she expects “this will surely be a lesson to Mr. Stone – and political cheats everywhere – that you can expect to suffer brutal hours or even days worth of consequences for blatant crimes committed in the name of the president before that same president uses his power to let you off the hook.”

Federal prosecutors in Stone’s case initially recommended a sentence of seven to nine years, but Trump and his Justice Department officials insisted that in the interests of justice, crimes against the foundation of the American political system shouldn’t warrant more than a weekend without TV.

Stone attended his sentencing sporting his trademark pinstripe suit and round spectacles but was forced to leave his umbrella that shoots knives outside the courtroom.

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