U.S.—After Bernie Sanders praised elements of Cuba’s totalitarian regime, the presidential candidate’s loyal supporters scrambled to cobble together makeshift rafts so they could paddle over to Cuba to experience the Communist island’s renowned literacy programs, medical care, and other social services.
Desperate
refugees clung to anything that would float as they attempted to sail
across the Gulf and get to the idyllic paradise of Cuba.
“We just
have to get over there,” said one “Bernie Bro” as he fashioned a raft
out of discarded plastic straws. “I for one want to experience Cuba’s
literacy program so I can finally read a book. And I’ve heard that their
healthcare is the best in the world, as long as you’re among the elite.
Which, I’m sure I’ll be accepted as the elite and not one of the
peasants, since I’m from a wealthy, capitalist nation like America.”