MUSKETVILLE, MA—Authorities have been trying to figure out what party is responsible for the coronavirus, and they’ve finally found the culprit: local woman Sarah Hutchins, who prayed a few months ago that her husband, Bill, would stop watching sports all the time.
According to experts, the woman’s prayer went up to the Lord, who granted it by causing a global pandemic that canceled all sporting events for the near future.
“It’s kind of one of those monkey’s paw situations,” said medical researcher Dr. Grant U. Healey, who must have been referring to The Simpsons. “Her prayer was granted, but at what cost?”
The woman though says it has been worth it. “We are spending time together again, he’s being really attentive, and we’re streaming a lot of Gilmore Girls instead of watching hockey and basketball all day. I can only hope this thing flares up again in time for college football season.”
She does say it’s troubling, however, that Bill has scrawled “All Gilmore Girls and no sports makes Bill a dull boy” all over their living room walls.