Trump Announces Attendance At Next Rally Will Be Mandatory

Trump has announced that attendance at his next rally will be mandatory, with everyone in the country being required to attend.

“My rallies aren’t optional. That’s in the Constitution,” he said. “The president has tremendous power. Most tremendous. You could even say total. You could. Perhaps the most total of all time. Ever.”

Fact-checkers and legal experts around the country immediately began scouring the founding document of the nation to see if the commander-in-chief really had such authority to require all 329 million citizens of the nation to congregate in one sports arena.

“No one has ever claimed to have such a power and there’s a lot of words in the Constitution. It might be in there. Who knows?” said Justice Neil Gorsuch.

Medical experts weighed in that even if such a power to summon all citizens existed in the chief executive of the nation that there was a real concern about the deadly threat of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic that would make such an order extremely unwise.

“When Trump only got 6,200 people to come to his rally in Tulsa, we saw an immediate 7,000% spike in COVID-19 cases the very next day,” said CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta. “If he is able to force all Americans to congregate in one spot, there is no doubt we all will die.”

At publishing time, several newsrooms were still waiting for a copy of The Constitution to arrive from Amazon’s two-day prime shipping, so they could see for themselves if Trump could really do this or not.

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