COVID-19 OUTBREAK AT LAS VEGAS STRIP CLUB AFTER STRIPPER SQUIRTED VAGINAL FLUIDS ONTO EIGHTEEN CLIENTS

Approved Satire ~~ MJM

A Las Vegas stripper potentially infected hundreds with COVID-19 from squirting vaginal fluids offstage reports KCWQ-Las Vegas.

Helen “Bunny” Lagrande, 26, and eighteen clients of the Red Baron, a local Las Vegas strip club, have been hospitalized after a Friday night performance.

Lagrande performs her squirting show 3 times a week but it appears that she lost control that night and accidentally sprayed several clients.

“Usually she doesn’t squirt as far, it just drips down onto the stage, but this time it went up 30 feet in the air, hit the ceiling fan and covered the whole floor,” Red Baron patron Zoe Pitt told reporters.

“It was coming out like a geyser. I had to take at least three showers to get rid of the stench and burn my clothes so my wife wouldn’t ask any questions,” another client added.

One eyewitness also reported that the vaginal fluids spread onto several clients’ faces, eyes, and mouths, possibly facilitating the infection.

“I was sitting in the front row and got the full blast of the squirt. Doctors said it went down my throat and directly into my lungs” one hospitalized client told reporters.

The Red Baron administrators say they have now defined new sanitary protocols to prevent and direct vaginal fluids such as the use of a large straw and/or garden hose.

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