Satire Article Approved ~~ MJM
A farm owner from Shelbyville in Indiana was transported to the hospital in a critical condition late last night with an extremely agitated hen more than half-buried in his rectum.
Around 11:30 last night, Shelby County paramedics were called to answer a medical emergency concerning a serious accident involving a farm animal, something rather frequent in this rural area.
Upon arriving on the site, they found 57-year old Christopher Adams inebriated, bloodied and naked on a henhouse floor with a loudly clucking 5-pound chicken sticking out of his rectum.
The paramedics briefly tried to remove the agitated bird from its uncomfortable position but to no avail and decided to transport Mr. Adams and the bird to the MHP Major hospital.
According to Dr. Aurelius Thomas who extracted the bird after an extremely delicate 7-hour surgical intervention, both the man and the animal would have died if they had waited longer.
“The bird was dying of suffocation when it got here. It had already badly lacerated the patient’s bowels in a desperate attempt to get out and was still gashing at it like crazy.”
The hen was finally extracted around 7:30 this morning, suffering only minor physical injuries from its ordeal, while Mr. Adams necessitated 7 blood transfusions and more than 780 stitches.
Dr. Thomas says it’s a miracle that both the farmer and his animal are still alive, and questioned what caused the bird to get stuck in there.
“I don’t really know how the bird got there, both getting it out was so complicated and damaging that I can’t imagine that getting it in could have been any fun either.”