Proud Mayor Lets His Entire City Burn To The Ground Just To Make Trump Look Bad

PORTLAND, OR—In an effort to prevent the reelection of sitting President Donald Trump, Mayor Ted Wheeler is encouraging citizens to raze their city to the ground. They hope that by desolating the entire city and reducing it to nothing more than smoking heaps of ash, that Trump won’t stand a chance in 2020.

“This is a small price to pay, if it means getting literally Hitler out of office,” said Mayor Ted Wheeler pouring gasoline throughout the city. “Now burn those buildings down! Burn them all!”

In response to the violence, the president has offered to send support to restore the peace to the city. Instead of giving Trump the political win he craves, Mayor Wheeler has come up with a solution of his own. “You can’t restore law and order to a city if there is no city left!”

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