When a Black Construction Bag Filled With Dog Poop Interviews a Presidential Colostomy Bag

Jason Whitlock is a black construction bag filled with vomit and precious white things placed inside the bed of a white man’s pickup truck next to a pair of king’s boots that he occasionally rubs for sustenance. If Jason Whitlock was stranded in the desert and God was willing to grant him one item of food he could eat to save himself, Whitlock would turn to the Lord and say, “I ask only for the white man’s gaze as that is enough to hold me for a lifetime.” Whenever I hear of Black slaves who fought to keep other Blacks enslaved, I think of them as Jason Whitlock.

Whitlock is a spineless sack of human excrement who has made a living pushing his “hot takes” with some perfunctory belief that he is a freethinking Black man—except all of his freethinkingness looks a lot like the usual dribble from racist white men. Whitlock is against the Black Lives Matter movement and Colin Kaepernick’s protest and everything LeBron James. He was super critical of Kobe Bryant and then had the nerve to blubber-cry after Kobe’s death.

In short, he’s the spook who sat at the white man’s table hoping for some table crumbs to fall so that he could gobble them up while waiting for his pat on the head.

So yeah, this collective pile of dog shit interviewed a presidential pile of dog shit and the result is a really uncomfortable tug job between two men who haven’t seen their penises in ages. Somehow Whitlock, who left Fox Sports in June and now works for some outlier site called Outkick, got an invite to the White House Wednesday to interview the president, and I’m sure it had nothing to do with Whitlock’s insistence that “the white man’s ice water really is colder!”

By the interview’s end, Whitlock was all lathered up and willing to go all-in for his man. Whitlock called Antifa the “modern-day KKK,” and Trump couldn’t hold back any longer.

“You are so smart and you are so right and Antifa is a disaster,” Trump said. “I have a lot of respect for you.”

And Whitlock sat in the afterglow of his conquered companion and the two trash bags gaze into each other’s eyes staring straight into their hollow souls.

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