Eric Trump arrived at the Apple Store on Tuesday November 3, holding a makeshift ballot paper he’d fashioned from a torn off scrap of cereal box with “Dadnald Trump” sharpied across it.
Assembled reporters have noted that for over twenty four hours he’s been patiently waiting in the line intended for the Apple Watch Series 6, despite efforts to make him see the error of his ways.
“I am excited to vote for my dad,” the middle Trump son announced to the unsuspecting lineup at 6:30 AM this morning after straightening out his special election bib that had become rumpled overnight. “Poppa promised that if we win, I’ll get to fly the jet over Russia and wave hello to his friends!”
When asked if he was trying to vote, Eric Trump became defiant. “I won’t be intimidated by all you Dem sheeple in blue,” Trump snarked at a 21 year old Apple Genius who was just trying to ask what colour of smartwatch he wished to reserve. “I’m red all the way! Just like the apples new Mom gives me,” Trump exclaimed while biting into a radish.
President Donald Trump could not be reached personally for comment, but a spokesperson confirmed that his middle son had contacted the White House requesting Venmo money for a Lime Scooter back to Pennsylvania Avenue. His request was not granted.
At press time, sources reported Eric asking a Genius why nobody answers his calls, and if it was possible to find out if Barron has blocked him on FaceTime again.