Donald Trump doesn’t know what crimes the people in his administration have committed, but he knows that they need to be pardoned.
According to the New York Times, Trump has discussed whether his children, his slumlord son-in-law and his cousin Vinny need preemptive pardons. Trump is reportedly concerned that Biden’s Justice Department will seek retribution against the president and will target Donald Jr., Ivanka, that other boy who looks like he never finished vampire school and Ivanka’s baby daddy and welfare queen, Jared Kushner, who parlayed his marriage into a free government check as a White House senior adviser.
That’s because Trump doesn’t understand how this works. Despite Trump’s henchman Bill Barr running the DOJ and doing Trump’s dirty work, the DOJ doesn’t normally target the president’s personal enemies no matter how disloyal they are to America. I know this is hard for Trump to swallow, but outside of his followers, no one gives a fuck about what he or his mayo-infused, Russian-scented family is doing when they aren’t in the White House.
From the Times:
Donald Trump Jr. had been under investigation by Robert S. Mueller III, the special counsel, for contacts that the younger Mr. Trump had had with Russians offering damaging information on Hillary Clinton during the 2016 campaign, but he was never charged. Mr. Kushner provided false information to federal authorities about his contacts with foreigners for his security clearance, but was given one anyway by the president.
The nature of Mr. Trump’s concern about any potential criminal exposure of Eric Trump or Ivanka Trump is unclear, although an investigation by the Manhattan district attorney into the Trump Organization has expanded to include tax write-offs on millions of dollars in consulting fees by the company, some of which appear to have gone to Ms. Trump.
The Times notes that—and this is important—presidential pardons do not provide protection against state or local crimes, which means that they can still be charged for crimes and serve jail time, which is on my Christmas wish list.
And while the crimes have yet to be named, they did that shit. All of them did it. I don’t care what it is; they did and they need to be locked up for it.
At some point, even the most trusted in the crew turns. So it should be no surprise that with less than 50 days before the White House is fumigated and Febreezed to get ready for its new residents, Attorney General William Barr turned on Trump!
On Tuesday, Big Bill, aka Evil Fred Flintstone, noted that the Justice Department “has uncovered no evidence of widespread voter fraud that could change the outcome of the 2020 election,” the Associated Press reports.
I’m confused because Evil John Goodman face-ass has been one of Trump’s most loyal henchmen. And it almost sounds like he told the truth for once.
During an interview with AP, Barr said that the president was full of shit and that he has trouble handling Ls. Sike, he said his department worked to follow up on complaints from voters and “we have not seen fraud on a scale that could have affected a different outcome in the election.”
Boy, you know that shit burned the president and apparently when a white person burns another white person that’s called “burnsauce” or some shit. I don’t know. I’m not white. But I’m happy because Trump’s going to cry in the car. He’s totally going to cry in the car.