Mountain Dew celebrates true meaning of Christmas with Dewtivity Scene

Mountain Dew has unveiled a partnership with Safeway that places sponsored Dewtivity Scenes™ in grocery stores across the country. 

“The increasing commercialization of Christmas makes it easy to forget the real reason we’re celebrating,” a Mountain Dew spokesperson said. “We just want to use our crisp, refreshing beverages to remind consumers that they can both Do the Dew, and Do the Reflection on Life’s Meaning.” 

While some theologians and secular commentators questioned the appropriateness of the displays, Mountain Dew assured critics that Dewtivity Scenes™ could be enjoyed by people of all faiths. 

“They’re tasteful in more ways than one,” the spokesperson continued. “For example, just as the three wise men brought gifts to celebrate the Son of God’s arrival, the three bearded bottles of Mountain Dew Live Wire, Voltage, and White Out in our displays bring the King of Kings—and thirsty shoppers—the gift of extreme flavour.” 

The promotion came together when marketing executives noticed that Mary, a revered figure in the faith of over two billion people, and MTN Dew Merry Mash-Up, a soft drink that tastes like recently urinated cranberry juice, shared a name. “Once we spotted that, it became obvious that a bottle of bold Pitch Black could, with ears and a tail, be transformed into a snowboarding donkey,” the spokesperson explained. 

For the most part, the displays have been well-received. However, tensions rose in one grocery store, when an unidentified customer drank the bottle of Code Red that represented Christ

Are you ready to Do the Dew for Baby Jesus?

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