As President Donald Trump continues to falsely claim he won the 2020 presidential election, wary Pentagon officials insisted on Monday that this year the U.S. military would only interfere in foreign elections.
“It would be wrong to use our troops in a place where the law and the democratic process is already sufficient,” said Pentagon spokesman Jonathan Hoffman. “Unless this was happening anywhere else on Earth, in which case we’d be ‘spreading democracy’ there, like, yesterday,” Hoffman added while making finger pistols and shooting from the hip.
“We can’t use military power to endorse a specific regime,” said Gen. James C. McConville during a Sunday speech at the unveiling of the Forever Wars Veterans Memorial in Washington.
“This isn’t Panama, Honduras, Cuba, Nicaragua, Mexico, Haiti, the Dominican Republic, Russia, Japan, Germany, Italy, South Korea, China, Greece, Costa Rica, Albania, Syria,” said McConville, stopping for a moment to stretch and take a sip of water, adding: “Burma, Egypt, Iran, Guatemala, Paraguay, Indonesia, Lebanon, South Vietnam, Iraq, Laos, Brazil, Chile, Cambodia, Bolivia, Uruguay, Ethiopia, Angola, Zaire, Afghanistan, El Salvador, Chad, Grenada, Yugoslavia, Venezuela, Libya, or Yemen.”
The transition from a Trump administration to a Biden administration has been bumpy. Starting delays, unexpected pauses, and hours-long smoke breaks from the Trump team have made it all but clear that they are holding out for any chance of changing the election results, though defense officials deny such charges.
“I totally want to transition power,” said acting Defense Secretary Christopher Miller in a recent text message to Biden transition officials. “But I have family over for the next couple weeks, and then I’ve got to take my car into the shop the week after. Maybe we could do it after that, if ur not busy?”
Still, experts say Americans should not worry about an unpredictable right-wing strongman in charge of the greatest military on earth who refuses to concede an election he lost at the ballot box and in the courts.
“Yes, the Trump team is still technically in charge of the military and law enforcement and could be using delays to insulate its team from resistance to a coup,” said Dr. Mark Gershovitz, professor of political science at Columbia University. “But they wouldn’t take the risk. If they try and fail, how would that look on their résumés?”
