Insurrectionist Truther Doesn’t Believe He Was At Capitol

Dismissing the accusations as nothing more than the baseless attempts of a deep-state conspiracy to attack former President Trump’s supporters, insurrectionist truther Thomas Keleher declared Monday that he doesn’t believe he was present at the Capitol riot. “Look, anybody could’ve taken selfies of me storming the Capitol and posted them to my Facebook page to make it look like I was there—it’s fake news,” said Keleher, telling law enforcement who arrested him that the 73-minute video on his phone depicting him punching out a Capitol window and later rifling through papers on Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s desk was clearly a deep-fake and nothing he ever would have actually done. “You’re telling me I drove 700 miles to Washington, stayed with three other Trump supporters I know in a hotel room at the Marriott, stormed the Capitol, and then bragged about it, just like the Parler and Discord screen names I use showed that I did? How naive do you think I am? And I guarantee you that the recollections I do have of storming the Capitol are because Bill Gates used one of his 5G satellites to pump fake memories into my brain.” Keleher also reportedly told investigators that if he had been at the Capitol, he would have assuredly been there as part of some false-flag operation, in which case there was no question in his mind that he was secretly an FBI operative.

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