Promises Kept: Biden Unites Nation As Everyone Rallies Around How Stupid He Is

Promises made. Promises kept.

That’s what Americans everywhere are saying this morning as they join hands and sing together like at the end of The Grinch movie.

“Good morning, white male in the MAGA hat,” a liberal Democrat was heard cheerfully greeting a fellow Republican. “Joe Biden is sure acting stupid again today, wouldn’t you say?”

“I would say so, good sir/sim/zoy. Stupid indeed,” replied the man tipping his MAGA hat. “I hope your day is full of joy. But not as full as Joe Biden’s diaper probably is–am I right?”

As the former rivals gave an enthusiastic high-five the feeling was unmistakable: Joe Biden has delivered on his promise to unite the American people.

“Waaaa? Who?” the fictional President said celebrating his historic achievement. “I always knew I would uhhh, wear a mask over my leg hair.”

Corporate media is also enjoying newfound harmony. On Monday, Sean Hannity had Rachel Maddow on his show and the two shared some of their favorite moments of Joe Biden embarrassing himself.

“Remember the time he somehow fell up the stairs, dusted himself off, and then fell down the stairs and landed on Jill?” Hannity recounted causing two arching rainbows of coffee to fly out of Maddow’s nose as she erupted with laughter.

“Oh! Oh! Remember that debate where Joe yelled ‘Listen fat, you’re an ugly liar and I hate you!’  And it was his reflection?” Maddow roared while flapping her hands like a penguin.

Update: Experts believe the amount of Americans who are learning that Obama is a ‘pathetic clown’ is also reaching critical mass. The United States may see pure utopia by winter, they say.

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