Don’t Worry, Madison Cawthorn’s Replacement Is Awful, Too!

There’s little difference between Cawthorn and Chuck Edwards, the guy that beat him in the Republican primary—minus the salacious orgy stories, of course.

As the Daily Beast so eloquently put it, Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) has been sent “home to think about what he did.” Cawthorn was shockingly (though, in light of recent events, not-so-shockingly) ousted Tuesday night in his primary for North Carolina’s deep red 11th Congressional district. So, who is the swashbuckling, charismatic upset who knocked our 26-year-old fascist Ken doll out of Congress?

None other than a very run-of-the-mill, normal Republican legislator named Chuck Edwards, who espouses the same ideology.

By “normal Republican,” of course, I mean about as batshit as you’d expect from the party of Rep. Marjorie Taylor “Marshall Law” Greene (R-Ga.) and Sen. Ted “Mickey Mouse and Pluto are fucking” Cruz (R-Texas). Edwards isn’t exactly accusing beloved cartoon characters of shagging or aiding and abetting an armed insurrection, but he’s made clear he believes pretty much all the same things that all the other batshit Republicans do with regard to dehumanizing immigrantspregnant people, LGBTQ people, and people of color. And given how, unlike Cawthorn, Edwards’s endorsements show he’ll have real standing and credibility in his caucus, he’s arguably even more dangerous than his predecessor: He might actually be able to get shit done.

Shortly after Edwards was declared the winner and Cawthorn conceded, Edwards told the Raleigh News and Observer his primary goals were “removing the gavel out of Nancy Pelosi’s hand, and then taking the teleprompter from Joe Biden and restoring the policies that we enjoyed under the Trump administration, to help get this country back on track.” What a normal thing to say!

So, there you have it! I, for one, do not feel sorry for Madison, who is a noted alleged serial sexual predator and undoubtedly has a very bright future recording birthday messages on Cameo or perhaps serving hot takes on Newsmax. But I’m also not particularly relieved to see him go, considering his replacement. They’re all the fucking same.