NRA Convention Applauds As Gunman Massacres Entire Crowd

Shouting with glee and jostling each other to get a better spot, the audience at the National Rifle Association’s annual meeting reportedly burst into applause Friday as a gunman massacred the entire crowd. “Woo! Shoot us all!” multiple spectators were heard to yell as the armed assailant, believed to be carrying an AR-15 as well as several handguns, fired bullet after bullet into an audience that had leapt to its feet upon his entrance and cheered when he shot Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) in the head. “I’m calling my family—I never thought I’d see one of these in person! Oh my God, this is so cool!” At press time, sources confirmed the applause was slowly dying out as fewer and fewer members of the audience were left alive.

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