Jesus is Now Verified


In perhaps the most important theological development in the last two thousand years, the Son of God is now a verified Twitter user. After the social media’s site recent changes, Jesus Christ, who apparently joined Twitter 14 years ago, will be paying $8 a month for the coveted status. He had this to say about the prayer requests He often receives:

“The requests come from all around the world and in different languages. Sometimes, I’ll send a message back that’s encouraging or something, but I’m very aware of the fact that I’m not a trained psychologist and don’t have the professional credentials to be able to handle this kind of thing.

I am very aware of how powerless I am when people are sending me prayer requests. There’s really nothing I can do. It’s strange to watch people ask me to help them with things I’m so incapable of assisting with.

However, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for The Lord. In an interview, He mentioned that He is sometimes the target of death threats, much like He faced during his ministry.

The various leaders of Christianity’s many sects have yet to comment.

What do you think? Is it a good thing that the world now knows that Jesus is both on Twitter and has been verified as the real deal? Will you be sending Him direct messages instead of prayers?

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