Twitter bans replying ‘lol’ to any joke not made by Elon Musk

Twitter announced a surprising change to its Terms of Use today, informing users that replying ‘lol’, ‘lmao’, ‘haha’, and any variant thereof to any account other than that of Twitter’s CEO and owner Elon Musk will result in an immediate and permanent suspension.

“We recognize that many of our users find people who aren’t Elon Musk funny. However, we will no longer allow free promotion of anyone else’s jokes on Twitter,” the social media site said in the first of a series of tweets explaining the new policy.

“Specifically, we will remove accounts created or used for the purpose of acknowledging non-Musk derived humor and content that contains links to any hilarious material found on other social media sites,” the next tweet in the thread explained.

“You may still respond positively to comedy not originally conceived of by Elon Musk, but only after he has appropriated it without citation.”

Twitter is also banning replies to anyone other than its billionaire owner that contain the laughing-crying emoji, and will use AI to detect gifs or images that in any way depict laughter, giggling or other expressions of amusement.

“Twitter is where the public conversation is happening, and where people from all over the globe come to promote their businesses, art, ideas, and more. We would like that to stop,” Twitter’s announcement continued.

“From now on, Twitter is where people will acknowledge that Elon Musk is an impeccable joke craftsman with an excellent and unparalleled sense of humor, in addition to being the smartest man alive and someone Grimes should not have dumped.”

At press time, Elon Musk was having a tantrum like a small, soggy-diapered child because everyone on Twitter was still laughing at him rather than with him.