Recently indicted steak salesman Donald J Trump attempted to flee to Mexico early this evening in order to escape charges awaiting him in NYC, but found it impossible to make it to the other side of the border due to the presence of a large wall.
“I just… I just can’t clear the thing,” said a panting Trump after his 6th attempt to climb up the wall failed. “Why did we put this stupid, beautiful ya gotta admit, wall here again?”
“I mean no one could make it over this thing,” he added as 10 farmworkers from Juarez climbed it on their way home for the night.
Trump put his plans to flee in place after being advised he was likely to be indicted last week. He obtained a fake Mexican passport listing his name as Donaldo MS-13 Rodriguez and was carrying a duffel bag of Pesos, although he had exchanged his dollars for Dominican Pesos by mistake.
Originally the plan was to cross at a regular border checkpoint but that plan went awry when his fake mustache fell off, he said he was a “yuge fan” of Selma Hayek and the Secret Service agents he was traveling with called him “Mr. President.” That’s when Trump decided to try the climb.
“It’s too bad we built this massive wall that stretches the entire border,” sighed Trump as Jared and Trump Jr. eyed each other nervously while attempting not to look at the massive gap in the wall a few hundred yards down.
“Screw it, I’ll just flip on everyone,” he added before slumping down to the ground.