3 days after we got married, my new spouse told me she’s transgender. Many thought it would break us up, but it brought us closer.

J and I had been together for almost five years when we got engaged in fall 2018. 

We initially set our wedding date for August 2020, but we canceled because of the pandemic. While we were in lockdown, my partner arrived at a conclusion she had been avoiding for pretty much her entire life.

We finally got married in a family-only wedding in May 2021, and three days later, J came out as trans.

I instantly accepted my partner coming out as transgender

Three days after our wedding, my spouse stopped me as I was walking from the kitchen to the living room and said, “Hey, I want to try using she/her pronouns. I think I might be trans.” She also requested I call her by a new name, one that she chose for herself.

I could tell it had taken all her courage to share this revelatory decision. I quickly responded, “OK!” 

I’ve identified as queer for pretty much my entire life, so it was easy for me to accept this coming out. I’m attracted to men and women and nonbinary people and everyone in between. Sex and gender have never been a major part of what makes someone romantically or sexually interesting to me. 

Knowing this, J had confided in me early in our relationship that she was curious about her “feminine side.” In those exploratory times, J’s delight over how her body looked in a dress and how her face looked with make-up was obvious. I now know this to be gender euphoria. Sometimes, years would go by in between these moments, but I always knew something was under the surface. When J told me she was trans, I wasn’t shocked in the slightest.

Throughout summer and fall 2021, J slowly came out to our family and friends. It was an arduous process for her, as she genuinely had no idea how some of her loved ones would react.


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