Proud Boy to Be in Prison Until He Is Elderly Boy

After receiving a twenty-two-year sentence, a former Proud Boy acknowledged that he will be in prison until he is an Elderly Boy.

“Yes, I will eventually be an Elderly Boy,” Enrique Tarrio told reporters. “However, let’s be clear: while we Proud Boys are considering changing the name of our group, ‘Elderly Boys’ is not one of the options in the mix.”

Tarrio said that, because of the behavior of other former Proud Boys at their trials, “Despondent Boys,” “Weepy Boys,” and “Belatedly Remorseful Boys” were all names that the organization was considering.

“We’ve been holding focus groups, but so far there’s been no consensus,” he said. “We may have to bring McKinsey in on this.”