G.O.P. Candidates Must Pledge to Go to Prison for Trump to Qualify for Next Debate

In order to qualify for the next nationally televised debate, Republican Presidential candidates must sign a pledge to go to prison in place of Donald J. Trump, the Republican National Committee has confirmed.

Ronna McDaniel, the R.N.C. chairperson, said that agreeing to serve hard time for Trump was the “only way” that G.O.P. candidates could prove their loyalty to the Party.

As for whether Trump had been asked to sign a pledge agreeing to go to prison for any of his Republican rivals who might become convicted of a crime, McDaniel said, “Absolutely not. He’s very busy these days, and we didn’t want to bother him.”

Nearly all of the G.O.P. contenders immediately agreed to sign the pledge, with the exception of Chris Christie and Asa Hutchinson, the latter of whom said that he preferred to be “hog-tied.”

“I’m sorry to hear that Asa feels that way,” McDaniel said. “Being asked to go to prison in place of Donald Trump is an honor that comes around only four or five times in a lifetime.”

In a related matter, the R.N.C. chair confirmed that none of the candidates had agreed to go to prison in place of Senator Lindsey Graham.