I am not a stamp collector. So naturally, when I came upon an online forum about stamp collecting, I leapt for joy, saying, “This is the place for me! Why, I’ll spend hours every week for years on end devoted to this hobby I don’t engage in. I’m CERTAIN they will be deeply appreciative of my penetrating insights into their beloved hobby!” I’ve been an enthusiastic participant ever since.
It turns out a stamp collecting forum is a great place to meet other people who don’t collect stamps. We swap stories about not collecting stamps, rehearse the reasons we don’t collect stamps, poke a little good natured fun at those who do.
Some of us are pretty laid back, live-and-let-live regarding others’ hobbies; some of us are stridently anti-stamp-collecting–we sock it to them real good with all the reasons they should stop collecting stamps. I haven’t seen anyone yet kick the stamp habit as a result of our efforts, but, hey, it’s the thought that counts!
Now some of you may wonder why I would hang around for years on a forum devoted to a hobby I don’t engage in. Easy: It reminds me how happy I am that I don’t collect stamps! Without the regular reminders of how much I don’t like collecting stamps, maybe I would forget, or get confused, or something! What if I inadvertently started carrying them around in my pocket? Or worse, slipped some into a glassine envelope somewhere? One can’t be too careful.
Plus, stamp collecting is super interesting! I mean, not that I’d want to do it, but I like watching others do it. I’m interested in why they do it, and what kind of stamps they like, and so forth. So really, there’s nothing weird or voyeuristic or oppositionally defiant about me hanging out on a stamp collecting forum. Really! And if, just maybe, even one of you were to decide it’s not such a great hobby, my heart would sing. Even though I’d never admit it.
Along with the other members of Non-stamp-collectors of the World, I would like to remind you that we are not a club. We are a highly diverse group of white males who graduated near the top of our class and some of us have a drinking problem. To demonstrate how inclusive we are, we also admit women, non-binary people, and people of color as non-voting members. Ha ha. Of course they are non-voting members, we all are, for we are not a club! And if some of us are jerks and pedants, we take no responsibility for them because we have nothing in common with them except not collecting stamps, which really isn’t anything at all.
We would also like to remind you that you, too, are non-collectors. We just don’t collect one more thing than you don’t collect. I’m certain that proves something.
Plus, you’re clearly wrong because some of you collect US stamps and others collect stamps from other countries.
OK, I’m out of here for a bit, I’ve gotta go not mow the lawn.
Questions:
Is there anything else you’d like to know about not collecting stamps?
What activities do you love not doing?
Approved ~ FS