Senior Republicans have finally thrown their weight behind gun reform after the latest school shooting was repositioned as a series of 720-week enforced abortions.
With the rest of the world – and most of America – utterly baffled as to why any single person doesn’t desire a ban on metal cylinders firing little high, velocity metal projectiles literally through the flesh and bone of other human beings in a non-military context, a marketing executive has implemented a rebranding exercise designed to test the nutcase right-wing’s real priorities.
Long-standing Republican congressman, Chuck Williams, told reporters, “Obviously – as a Republican – my political positions are full of contradictions, but the position where I remain steadfastly unmoved is on abortion rights – as in I don’t believe there should ever be any.
“But to suddenly hear that the Gergia school shooting yesterday resulted in multiple abortions on perfectly viable children at just 720 weeks gestation is absolutely heinous, and quite frankly, we should be changing the law to prevent such crimes with immediate effect!
“Just think about it for a minute: a foetus at 720 weeks old is basically a full human being. They have recognisable body parts such as arms, legs, a cute little face and you are already seeing the beginnings of a personality! Don’t they have a right to life? Just as much as any other Republican voter?
“The only realistic, pragmatic way to really stop abortions – all abortions – is to take restrict access to the sort of equipment used in the latest mass abortion.
“Which is why I now fully advocate greater gun control.
“Eh? Hang on… What?!”
