JD Vance will represent Satan at Pope Francis’s funeral this weekend, the Devil confirmed on Thursday.
In a rare public statement, the Prince of Darkness said that he could not attend the funeral himself because it conflicts with a Tesla board meeting.
Explaining his choice of Vance, Beelzebub said, “If you can’t have me, JD is the next best thing.”
But longtime Vatican-watcher Harland Dorrinson criticized Satan’s decision to send Vance, noting, “With Trump in attendance, this seems like overkill.”
