He threw himself a $45 million birthday party and nobody came.
The “crowd” that did show up could best be described using Stormy Daniels’s nickname for the birthday boy.
Tiny.
But here’s the shocking part: Trump’s only actual talent—a knack for putting on a TV show—failed him horribly.
Here’s how John Ismay of the New York Times described what will go down in history as the most tedious military parade ever:
“Overall this was a pretty listless and low-energy parade and crowd. People wearing Trump paraphernalia far outnumbered those wearing Army hats and shirts from what I could see. There were no speakers along the parade route, so spectators couldn’t hear whatever was being broadcast by the announcers closer to the reviewing stand.”
Shorter version: sad trombone.
It was an excruciatingly boring slog. Melania fell asleep. Shit, Trump fell asleep. You know you’ve created a snooze fest when the most alert-looking dude in the audience is Pete Hegseth.
Maybe next time Trump wants to celebrate himself with an ostentatious display of military hardware, he should hire a consultant who knows how to produce this kind of show:
