World War III Rated Most Disappointing Sequel Since ‘Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull’

WORLD—Critics have panned the long-awaited sequel to World War 2 this week, calling it “the most…

As Part Of Settlement With Nick Sandmann, CNN Hosts Must Wear MAGA Hats During All Broadcasts

ATLANTA, GA—According to a report, as part of the settlement with Nick Sandmann, CNN hosts will…

Castro’s Campaign Fails As Democrats Realize His First Name Isn’t Fidel

U.S.—Julian Castro was forced to pull out of the Democratic primaries after Democrats suddenly realized his…

Nation’s Christians Wish God Had Given Them Some Kind Of Unimpeachable, Incorruptible Leader To Follow

U.S.—The nation’s Christians are lamenting the fact that God never gave them a leader they could follow…

El Paso Man Comes Down From Insane Acid Trip Where He Hallucinated That He Ran For President

EL PASO, TX—An El Paso man reportedly came down from a “totally crazy” acid trip where…

Elizabeth Warren Opens Casino To Help Finance Campaign

U.S.—With campaign contributions down 30% in the last quarter, you might think it’s time for Elizabeth…

Wolf to eat sun… Eternal darkness and winter to descend upon earth

COPENHAGEN (Reuters) Scientists and Astrologer at the Royal Pagan University of Denmark announced that they have…

Mandalorian bitterly regretting feeding baby Yoda after midnight

Letting that adorable little gremlin have a cup of soup after midnight has turned out to…

Cows don’t have fingers and can’t insult Devin Nunes on Twitter, court filing says

A Democratic strategist is refusing to disclose communications that could reveal the identity of anonymous Twitter…

“Everywhere She Went Turned Bad,” Says Man with Six Bankruptcies

Satire from The Borowitz Report   By Andy Borowitz “She started off in Somalia, how did that…