WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a shocking speech to the press Monday, President Trump said the libs and media…
Tag: The Babylon Bee
Congress Excited To Find Out What’s In Stimulus Package They Just Passed
WASHINGTON, DC—Members of Congress told reporters Friday they can’t wait to read through the massive economic stimulus…
Joel Osteen Tests Negative For Christianity
HOUSTON, TX—On a video posted to his Facebook page Thursday, a relieved Joel Osteen announced that…
Toilet Paper Crisis Solved As Government Prints Trillions Of Fresh, Soft Dollar Bills
USA–As part of a sweeping initiative to help unclog the economic constipation caused by the coronavirus…
Wife’s Prayer For Her Husband To Stop Watching Sports All The Time Results In Global Pandemic
MUSKETVILLE, MA—Authorities have been trying to figure out what party is responsible for the coronavirus, and…
Spring Breakers Arrange Scattered Corpses To Spell Out YOLO
MIAMI, FL—It’s spring break and, despite the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, America’s young and sexy beachgoers have…
‘Joe Biden Is The Best Choice For Our Nation,’ Chants Tulsi Gabbard After DNC Completes Assimilation Process
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The DNC Collective has assimilated yet another species, the Borg King Joe Biden proudly announced Thursday…
Christians Thank God They Can Still Argue With Each Other Online During Quarantine
U.S.—Despite being locked down, Christians are continuing to do what they do best: tearing each other…
Trump Announces All Delivery Drivers Will Receive Presidential Medal Of Freedom
WASHINGTON, D.C.—”I’m no hero,” says Amazon driver Daniel Acevedo as he rings a doorbell and leaves…
Trump Says, ‘I Don’t Want Any Americans To Die’, NYT Quotes As ‘I… Want… Americans To Die’
NEW YORK, NY—In a somber, heartfelt speech yesterday, Trump expressed his condolences toward Americans affected by…
Professionals Work Tirelessly To Discover Which Political Party Should Be Blamed For Virus
U.S.—Hope for figuring out which political party to blame for the novel coronavirus could be on…
Christian Under Quarantine Resigns Self To Reading Bible
Local Christian Tim Kabara has grown extremely bored during this whole Coronavirus quarantine thing. He has…