Breaking: All the news happening all at once

EARTH – According to reports from every single human being’s television, social media and worried mothers,…

CDC urges Americans to stay safe by doing opposite of everything Trump says

ATLANTA, GA — Following a televised White House address, the Centers For Disease Control is urging…

Man who took 30 years to win one state considered “electable”

SOUTH CAROLINA – Joe Biden is now the presumptive nominee for the Democratic Party and the “man to…

Motorola Razr returns with all of your middle school selfies pre-downloaded

CHICAGO, IL — Motorola recently announced the re-release of the once-ubiquitous Motorola Razr which will still be a…

Trump crosses ‘start WWIII’ off his New Year’s Resolutions list

WASHINGTON D.C. – Right after ordering the assassination of Iran’s General Suleimani a satisfied Donald Trump sat back and…

Orlando rebrands as ‘Orwatero’ in anticipation of climate change

ORWATERO – In an effort to be the first city to recognize the new reality that…

North Korea threatens to blah blah, Christ, every week with these guys

PYONGYANG, NK – This week, the government of North Korea warned that if U.S. didn’t stop ticking them…

Trudeau insists he was talking about another brash, incompetent US President also named Donald Trump

Sir LøkiBUCKINGHAM PALACE – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has clarified that he, and other world leaders were talking…

Police arrest dealer responsible for selling speed to world population of squirrels

VANCOUVER – After a years-long joint investigation by multiple international agencies, authorities have finally arrested the…

Update: Canadians lucky US Presidential endorsement of Canadian political leader didn’t involve drone strikes

LøkiOTTAWA – Canadians familiar with US regime change in foreign countries are breathing a sigh of…