WASHINGTON—Dismissing the statistics as “totally overblown,” President Donald Trump publicly accused New York health officials Monday…
Tag: The Onion
Damning Report Finds White House Ignored Skeletal Horsemen Galloping Through Sky As Early As January
In a very serious and damning new report published Wednesday, a government watchdog group has found…
Trump Admits 18 New States To Increase Competition For Medical Supplies
In an effort to attract better offers from governors forced into bidding wars over life-saving equipment,…
Wisconsin Primary Voters Receive ‘I Voted’ Gravestones
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Jared Kushner Says States Should Have Planned Ahead Before Joining The Union
WASHINGTON—Speaking at a press conference to address the growing Covid-19 pandemic, White House senior advisor Jared…
Trump Tackles Medical Supply Shortage By Awarding ExxonMobil Contract To Drill For Ventilators In Arctic
WASHINGTON—Saying there was no way the coronavirus could win with such amazing corporations on their side,…
New Report Finds Americans Willing To Trust Scientific Knowledge Of Anyone Holding Glass Beaker Up To Light
WASHINGTON—A new report released Monday by the Pew Research Center Monday revealed that Americans were much…
What’s In Congress’ Coronavirus Stimulus Bill
After days of frenzied negotiations, Congress passed a $2 trillion stimulus package to address economic issues…
Man Just Buying One Of Every Cleaning Product In Case Trump Announces It’s Coronavirus Cure
EVANSTON, WY—Throwing bottles of bleach, ammonia, and Drano into a cart at his local grocery store,…
U.N. Names Finland Happiest Country For Third Year In A Row
The 2020 United Nations World Happiness Report has found Finland has the happiest citizens in the…
Trump Suggests Ceding New York To Coronavirus As Possible Appeasement Strategy
WASHINGTON—Mulling solutions to stop the disease’s rapid spread across the country, President Donald Trump reportedly suggested…
Trump Urges Loosening CDC Restrictions To Let Coronavirus Get To Work
WASHINGTON—Calling for an end to precautions such as social distancing and shelter-in-place mandates, President Donald Trump…