Shelling out $55 for the loving tribute, Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) reportedly took out a half-page…
Tag: The Onion
Matt Gaetz Announces Official Run For McArthur High Prom King
Declaring himself the best choice for the class of 2023, Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz (R) officially…
Texas School Picture Day Photographer Expands Offerings To Include Memorial Posters
After noticing a sharp increase in demand in recent months, local school picture day photographer Allison Cummings…
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Tucker Carlson
On April 24, Tucker Carlson was abruptly fired from his position as a Fox News host. The…
Conservatives Boycott Computers After Noticing Keyboard Can Be Used To Type ‘Trans’
Expressing their dismay with yet another product overtaken by the liberal conspiracy to destroy traditional lifestyles,…
Dalai Lama Admits He Felt Left Out Being Only Leader Of Major Religion Not To Molest Someone
After a controversial video surfaced showing His Holiness asking a child to “suck his tongue,” the…
Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Gender-Affirming Care
At least 13 states have passed laws banning gender-affirming care for trans youth, including life-saving treatments…
Kansas GOP Bill Authorizes Genital Exams Of Schoolchildren
The Kansas state legislature has overridden a veto by the state’s Democratic governor to pass a…
Trump Revealed To Have Paid Hush Money To Conceal Children He Had In Wedlock
Claiming hundreds of thousands of dollars were secretly paid to keep the information out of the…
Trump Boys Ask Melania If They’re Getting New Daddy Now
Sheepishly approaching their stepmom after hearing about their father’s indictment, the Trump boys reportedly asked Melania…
Conservatives Explain What They Will Do If Trump Is Convict
“Get killed in the next Capitol riot.” ~ Eleanor Tibbits (Diving Instructor) “I likely won’t hear…
Conservatives Defend Their Anti-Trans Bigotry
Following the recent increase in hateful rhetoric towards transgender people, The Onion asked conservatives to defend their anti-trans…