MIDDLE EAST—Many Chicagoans are fleeing their city due to a rise in violence. Looking for a more peaceful place to live, many are turning to the relative peace and security of places like the Middle East.
A new report indicated thousands of people who lived in Chicago have moved to places like Syria, Iran, Iraq, and Afghanistan in search of a more peaceful place to live.
“Ah, finally, some peace and quiet,” said one man as a bomb exploded down the street near his family’s new home in Damascus. “We just needed to slow down and find a place where we can raise the kids and not worry too much. No place is perfect, sure, but you don’t even hear the gunfire after a while.”
“We considered moving to CHAZ, but that sure fell apart quick. We needed something more long-term for the kids.” Just then, a siren went off. “OK, kids, into the bomb shelter! Boy, I do love it out here. And the real estate prices can’t be beat.”