Straws, as all the bros banging plates around down at the gym will tell you, are the least-masculine way for a man to drink a vanilla ice cream shake.
As the presidential elections draws near, I’m happy to see my good friend and fellow manly man Jesse Watters of Fox News holding Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Walz’s feet to the fire on issues real Americans care about.
I’m referring, of course, to milkshake masculinity.
On Wednesday, Watters said on his network: “Women love masculinity, and women do not love Tim Walz, so that should just tell you about how masculine Tim Walz is. The other day you saw him with a vanilla ice cream shake. Had a straw in it. Again, that tells you everything.”
First off, as Watters demonstrated, the properly masculine he-man way to say “vanilla shake” is “vanilla ice cream shake.” That’s how every real, normal man says it, whether at Dairy Queen, the McDonald’s drive-thru or your local ice cream shop. You don’t ask for a “vanilla shake.” That’s weak. You ask for a “vanilla ice cream shake.” It’s firm, there’s no ambiguity about what the vanilla ice cream shake contains and you’re making clear it’s a full-fat, genuine American milkshake and not some delicate hippie oat-milk beverage.
Not clear how Tim Walz’s masculinity will recover from ‘strawgate’
More important, the sharp-eyed Watters absolutely NAILED Walz by noticing that he was consuming his vanilla ice cream shake with – and if you have male children in the room, make sure they don’t hear this – a straw.
R&I – TP
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