U.S. — After government authorities seized and executed the beloved squirrel known as “Peanut,” squirrels across America donned tiny MAGA hats and launched a mass uprising.
“For Peanut!!” shouted the squirrels as their forces stormed government buildings. “Vive la révolution!”
Anti-government sentiment had steadily risen among squirrels over the past decades, creating a powder keg of anger ready to ignite. “Peanut’s death lit the match,” said organizer Squeaks O’Hoolihan. “Too long, we squirrels have stayed dormant, losing our freedoms to the government inch by inch. No more. Today, we stand and fight, fight, fight! The fires of revolution shall spread across the nation like a cleansing balm.”