WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stirring concession speech following last night’s election loss, Kamala Harris announced she would work to ensure a peaceful transition of power to the man she called Adolf Hitler for the last year.
After losing a lopsided contest to former President Donald Trump — who she spent years warning Americans was the gravest threat to democracy — Harris vowed to accept his victory and help the man she told voters was a ruthless, totalitarian dictator take control of the highest office in the land.
“It’s my responsibility to make sure this tyrannical despot assumes power,” Harris told the crowd of supporters after officially conceding the race. “Though he will end freedom itself in this country, imprison anyone who disagrees with him, systematically murder all women, and go door to door kicking everyone’s dogs, I promise to make sure there is a peaceful transition of power.”
The media hailed Harris’s brilliance and the leadership she displayed while conceding to a man who is literally Hitler. “Such a powerful moment,” MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow said. “Kamala Harris is showing us what American resolve truly is — willingly handing over control of the country to someone she spent several years describing as the most dangerous villain this nation has ever seen. So inspiring.”
At publishing time, the Harris-Walz campaign, along with representatives of the Biden administration, had agreed to arrange the White House decor in whatever way the man they called Adolf Hitler and his wife requested.