Donald Trump has been re-elected, and it’s time for Trump to assemble a new team of brilliant minds to serve in his cabinet. But just who will he choose to restore America to its former glory?
The Babylon Bee obtained the following list of people Trump is preparing to select to serve in key roles in his administration:
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Alex Jones — Press Secretary: We will finally learn which people in Washington are really lizards wearing fake human skin.
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The cast of The View — Ambassadors to Antarctica: It’s an important job that requires every host from the panel.
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Elon Musk — Secretary of Diablo IV: Trump was reportedly impressed by his world ranking.
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Jimmy Kimmel — Court Jester: And he will have to wear those funny bells and dance as Trump pelts him with fruit.
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Kyle Rittenhouse — The Entire Department of Homeland Security: In a move that will save the nation billions, the entire agency will be replaced by one guy roaming the country with an AR-15.
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Mike Lindell — Secretary of Election Integrity & Slumber Comfort:Having secure elections will help Americans finally have the best night’s sleep in the whole wide world.
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Joe Rogan — Secretary of Machine Elves and UFOs: He may also head up the Department of Shrooms.
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Any random kid who likes trains — Secretary of Transportation: No matter who it is, they will still be better than Pete Buttigieg.
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Ronald McDonald — Secretary of Nutrition: Every citizen will be allotted one Big Mac meal per day.
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Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. — Secretary of… something: He asked for a specific position, but no one could understand him.
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Joe Biden — Ice Cream Czar: A bold move from Trump to reach across the political aisle.
Such a powerhouse administration in the making. Is there any doubt that America will return to greatness? Add your own cabinet picks in the comments below.